Gratitude, Vulnerability and Rivalries
(First appeared in WRAL TechWire.)
If you’re reading this, you’re likely celebrating American Thanksgiving or thinking about Shop Local deals. If you’re me, you’re anticipating Saturday’s matchup between Ohio State and Michigan. The Game, as it’s aptly called, has tossed bragging rights back and forth across state lines since 1897.
And while healthy rivalries have the power to motivate and inspire, the real superpower lies in what unifies us. Whether in your workplace or at your Thanksgiving table, the art of finding common ground can create meaningful connections, end conflict, and inspire new ideas.
As a kid, I was lucky enough to learn from a master in this art. He built emotional bridges with people every day by finding common ground. And long before LinkedIn, he developed a huge network of trusted friends and colleagues because of that skill. This amazing human was my grandpa. Whatever gift you had, he could clearly see it and would help you see it too. As I got older, he would often remind me that the most valuable resource anyone owns is their good name and the relationships they earn. Thirty years later – that still rings true.
Without realizing it, those lessons developed into a practiced vulnerability that serve me to this day. Recently, I was at a corporate training event, eating lunch with a handful of participants. The conversation was a bit stilted, but a topic came up that intrigued me. I saw the opportunity to move the conversation deeper, so I shared something related but very personal. I chose to open up in that moment so we could all have a safer and more emotionally connected dialogue. The result? More storytelling. More laughter. More vulnerability. We left our lunch newly unified and ready to work together in new ways.
That said, this holiday season I want to offer a formula that should do the trick if you want to take your conversations deeper.
After sharing something vulnerable, stop talking. Let the moment settle in. Then shift the focus to the first person that opens up in response. It’s her turn now.
Actively listen. What is she really saying?
Get curious. Ask gentle questions. Provide subtle affirming responses to encourage her to talk more.
Invest emotionally. Get into the other person’s shoes. What did this experience feel like for them? How did it shape their opinions?
Why are they telling you this particular story? What matters to them?
Reflect back what you’re hearing. Express solidarity by saying something like, “We’re in this together,” “I’m grateful you’re on our team,” or “How can we take what you learned from this experience into our team environment?”
Well, there you have it. Give these a try at work, at your dining room table or with your kiddo in the carpool lane. This stuff is universal – no need to overcomplicate it. Just practice it!
Oh, and in case this is the first time we’ve met, you might be wondering where my college football loyalties lie…
Go BUCKS!
